Four steps to a more flexible nervous system.
A practical model grounded in neuroscience and physiology. It works the same way for one person as for a leadership team: notice the signs, return to regulation, rewrite the response, and repeat until it holds.
The four steps.
Each step has a clear job, whether it’s one person or a whole team.
Step 1
Notice.
Catch it early.
What’s happening: Your brain is constantly predicting what your body needs, and spending energy accordingly. Interoception, your sense of signals like heartbeat, breath and muscle tension, is how you notice those predictions tipping towards threat. People who can name what they feel precisely tend to regulate it better.
How we work on it: We map your triggers, your body’s early warning signs, and build precise language for what you feel.
Step 2
Return.
Come back into regulation.
What’s happening: Nervous systems regulate through relationships as well as alone. Research shows that the presence of a steady, trusted person measurably reduces the brain’s response to threat. Returning to a felt sense of safety is what brings judgement and perspective back online.
How we work on it: Practical regulation tools, practised in session until they’re yours, plus the coregulation of working with a steady coach.
Step 3
Rewrite.
Change the response.
What’s happening: Under threat, the prefrontal cortex, which handles planning, judgement and impulse control, goes partly offline. With your system steadier, there’s room to pause and choose. Each new response gives your brain a different outcome to learn from.
How we work on it: We work on the real situations in front of you this week, and rehearse them until you’re steady.
Step 4
Repeat.
Make it the default.
What’s happening: New responses become automatic through repetition. One well-known study of habit formation found it took a median of 66 days for a new behaviour to feel automatic, which is why the work is designed to fit into real life, not sit alongside it.
How we work on it: We track what’s changing, notice where you still get stuck, and build on what’s working.
The science behind it.
The model draws on established research in neuroscience, physiology and psychology.
Allostasis and the body budget
Your brain runs a budget for your body’s resources, predicting needs before they arise. Chronic stress keeps that budget in deficit, which McEwen called allostatic load.
McEwen (1998); Feldman Barrett (2017)
Interoception
Sensing your internal signals is the foundation of regulation. Better interoceptive awareness is linked to more effective emotion regulation.
Füstös et al. (2013); Kelly Mahler, interoception practice
Naming feelings
Putting feelings into words reduces activity in the brain’s threat system. Finer-grained emotion words are linked to better regulation.
Lieberman et al. (2007); Kashdan, Barrett & McKnight (2015)
Coregulation
Holding the hand of a trusted person reduced the brain’s threat response in a well-known imaging study. We regulate together, not only alone.
Coan, Schaefer & Davidson (2006); polyvagal-informed practice
Stress and the thinking brain
Acute stress rapidly impairs the prefrontal cortex, shifting control to faster, more reactive circuits. Steadier states bring judgement back.
Arnsten (2009)
Repetition and habit
New behaviours become automatic with repetition in real-life settings, taking a median of 66 days in one widely cited study.
Lally et al. (2010)
This is for you if…
- You’re tired of feeling anxious, stressed or shut down, and ready to do something about it
- You’ve tried mindset work, and know the problem runs deeper than your thinking
- You want practical change in your work, health and relationships, not just insight
It’s not the right fit if…
- You’re in crisis or need clinical mental health support. I’ll help you find the right person.
- You’re looking for a quick fix without putting in the effort
Ready to start?
Tell me what's going on, and we'll work out together whether this is the right kind of help.